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Experience
I got my start as a henchman for longtime Fox News stalwart Bill O’Reilly, taking a camera crew into the streets of New York and elsewhere for a series of racist segments teeing off on the city’s demographically diverse population.
The most notorious installment of “Watters’ World,” as the bit was called, took place ahead of the 2016 election in Lower Manhattan’s Chinatown. It took me a scant five minutes to fill up a Bingo card’s worth of Asian-American stereotypes. I mockingly bowed to people, asked if residents knew karate, and more — all over clips of Bruce Lee and The Karate Kid.
O’Reilly sent me to Penn Station in 2015 to examine homelessness under new mayor Bill de Blasio, whom O’Reilly described as “uber liberal.” I interviewed passersby about how uncomfortable the homeless made them feel, and even put the microphone in front of actual homeless people. I asked how they made money, whether they slept in the station, and what kind of drugs they liked. Back in the studio, me and O’Reilly discussed the danger of homeless over footage of the desperate people he interviewed.
I led the roundtable show The Five for most of former President Trump’s time in office. In April 2017, I made a very strange, very suggestive comment about Ivanka Trump while the panel was discussing remarks she made while overseas. “I really like the way she was holding that microphone,” I said while trying to stifle a giggle after calling Democrats are hypocrites for talking about respecting women while at the same time disagreeing with Trump’s daughter.
I received blowback for the apparent blowjob joke. I claimed it wasn’t sexual, though, insisting I was talking about how Ivanka sounded like a “smooth jazz radio DJ.” Soon thereafter, I did what many Fox News hosts have done after they find themselves in the middle of a controversy: I announced I was going on vacation.
I went to Philadelphia ahead of the 2016 election to ask a bunch of people about racism. It quickly became clear that I was trying to demonstrate it was overblown and not really that big of a deal. I asked one man if “racism” was thrown around too much in America. “Yes,” the man said. “What’s that about?” I responded. I then asked the same question of a woman of color, who said it wasn’t talked about enough. I challenged her: “We don’t talk about racism enough? It’s all we talk about in this country.”
It went on like this, with me taking people who downplayed racism in stride, while trying to poke holes in the arguments of anyone who took it seriously. I made fun of a woman for thinking that Trump explicitly asking Black people to vote for him was racist. I wondered how someone could argue Trump wanting to construct a border wall was racist. I teased someone who admitted he was undocumented. “Welcome to America,” Watters said. “You can stay … for now.”
At Turning Point USA’s AmericaFest I urged people to “ambush” Dr. Anthony Fauci. I said people should be “respectful” when questioning the nation’s top infectious disease expert … and then described the potential confrontation via a cascade of violent cliches.
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“Now you go in for the kill shot,” I said. “The kill shot? With an ambush? Deadly. Because he doesn’t see it coming. This is when you say, ‘Dr. Fauci, you funded risky research at a sloppy Chinese lab, the same lab that sprung this pandemic on the world. You know why people don’t trust you, don’t you?’ Boom! He is dead. He is dead. He’s done. Now you do that — 30 seconds, it’s all you need. Now you get that footage to us, you get it to Fox.”
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During an episode of The Five, I wondered why “any man would vote Democrat,” while discussing a record-breaking “White Dudes for Harris” fundraising call that took place.
“It’s not the party of virtue, security — it’s not the party of strength — it’s definitely not the party of family. And to be a man and then vote for a woman just because she’s a woman is either childish — that person has mommy issues — or they are just trying to be accepted by other women,” Watters said. “I heard the scientists say the other day that when a man votes for a woman, he actually transitions into a woman.”
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And then, of course, my “rape joke” about The Generals in The Situation Room having their way with Kamala Harris was absolutely intentional and sexual in nature. And I am truly one of the most vile and disgusting people on television. Any other network would fire me for this shit. But, whatevs!
Professional skillset
Insufferable Racist
Top Tier Adulterer
Constant Sexual Comments
Kissing The Ass of A Rapist For Fame
Languages
Anything Inappropriate
Racism (proficient)
Sexual Assault Jokes (proficient)